"My Butterfly". A post about 7 years ago appeared in my FB memories . Who is "my Butterfly"? I wonder who is that person because it's been years.
During ECQ, I started reading my diaries. I discovered secrets and other evidence of foolishness that should not be there. I can't even remember those actually and kind of goosebumps reading it so I decided to burn it after reading. About 60 journals were burned randomly so that no evidence can be found after all.
When I tried to recall who "my Butterfly" is, this textmate of mine for years flashed in my mind. I never met him in person but he knew my identity. He never disclosed where he got my number but simply told me from a friend. My first reaction was, what will be my mission to this person? Why all of the sudden I have this situation?
I did lot of prayers when we're on the stage of getting to know each other because I didn't know him personally and I'm not sure if he's real. For about 3 months, my phone was busy texting and receiving calls. Though we texted at any time, he constantly called me up at 9 or 10 o'clock in the evening onwards . He really made sure to called me up if he can't text in a day or two. I never dared to text him first since he has time table set. I wonder what he was up to because he spent so much in calls. He didn't text more often due to text quarrel incident. He prefered to called me up at least 30 minutes to one hour and maximum of two hours if he's not busy. Though unlicall is useful at that time, there were times that we talked spontaneously without being disconnected unless need to recharge. We just talked about life, his business, my work, family and church. We became comfortable and familiar to each other. We laughed together and sometimes, have arguments when it comes to current affairs. We just stop talking when we realized that we fought on worthless things. After all, we made sure that we're not mad or we've reconciled before sleeping.
For me, our relationship has no label but I don't know to Butterfly. I can't recall if he officially courted me in text or I just ignored him every time he talked about it. I made myself clear to him that I can't cross the border of textmate/friendship since I'm not certain of his identity. He told me that he's willing to wait when I am ready.
Years past, we talked once a week, twice or thrice a month then silence. When he keep in touch again, he explained his whereabout. According to him, he moved his business somewhere in Palawan, busy attending his business and traveling from Palawan, Mindoro, Batangas and even to his hometown in Negros for family matters. For me, I just have to accept the information he gave me and even if I wanted to verify it, I don't have the ability.
Butterfly is a good listener. He just listened to me patiently when I had tantrums about work. He never added fuel nor fire in my emotion but only uttered three words that made my anger to be settled. "I LOVE YOU." I was stunned when I heard it. What's the relevance of the matter? "I know your temper and if only I am there with you, to comfort you, hug you and even kiss you, to make you feel better....." he said.
Is it love or infatuation? I'm confused. To determine between the two, I decided to have fasting since we're in the Season of Lent at that time. I informed him of my decision to fast in texting him and answering his call for 40 days. He never consented but he has no choice. Was I tempted to text him back and answer his call? Of course, I do but I have to control myself in order to reach the goal. Did I miss him? Yes. He's my night and sometimes day caller over the years, how could I not miss him?
The most challenging part of my fasting was when he informed me that he needed me the most at his lowest point in life. He asked me to answer his call just to hear my voice once and he'll be okay but I didn't answer his call. He even knew that I can't reply so he sent a long message narrating his situation. He was at the thought of suicidal when he sent me his last message. I was alarmed because it's not like him. I'm troubled when I read his messages and I don't know what to do, whether or not I'm going to reply or just ignore him since I'm fasting but I prayed first then I replied because it was necessary at that moment. It was about 11 o'clock in the evening if I'm not mistaken (I already burned my book of text messages so I'm not sure of the time). I don't want to be blamed of if ever something may happen so I decided to sent my long reply and shared the word of God to him. The best thing I did for him at that moment was to pray and entrusted everything to God.
Prayer works! He's still alive when I finished my fasting for 40 days. I was able to determine my feelings too and the bonus was, I was able to know his complete name accidentally. I was shocked when he sent me a message insisting that he was doing business, he was not a fraud person and his complete name. That text should be for his client but it was sent to me. When I confronted him about it, he didn't explain what happened but admitted his identity. Whew! God is really awesome. He granted the desire of my heart to know the complete name of my textmate for years.
When SAF 44 incident took place in February 2015, he was broken because one the fallen soldiers was his classmate and others were friends. I'm confused again. He's a businessman and with the new information he gave me, I wonder if he's a soldier too. He even named politicians and high profile bosses he met in Aklan. It seems like he's not an ordinary person and it's kind of another puzzle for me to be resolved but it was forgotten after all.
Days before we lost our communication, Butterfly told me of his trip to New Zealand. He's not certain how long but he will keep in touch once he is back. After two years, I received a call from unknown number. He asked my name because he was not certain if I'm still using the same number. The atmosphere was not the same as we used to be. Hearing the noise of the children playing, he asked if I'm married. I teased him to guess and he was disgusted. He keep on asking me to tell him the truth and I did but he didn't believe me. So what can I do? When he called me up again, same scenario, my nephew and niece were playing on the other room and he insisted that I'm married so I let him be. After that call, nothing follows and that's the end of our story. 😂😂😂
Kind of refreshing reminiscing things from of old which I almost forgot, that I have this kind of thrill once in my life. Now I can recall why I gave him a name code "Butterfly".
If given a chance someday, I still want to meet my Butterfly in person, to know who he really is and thank him personally for everything.
P.S. If you are confuse in your lovelife, prayer and fasting is effective. Ask God for His direction and guidance. And please, don't make any major decision when you are emotional. God bless!
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