“No Path Started As A Path”

“No path started as a path.  Someone must walk on it for it to become a path.  

You must pound and break the hard land and pierce through it for the water to flow out.”

-         Sun Woo (Hwarang)

It’s good to feel to be a benchwarmer.  I would like it, of course.  Worry free, no responsibility, no pressure, you just see things as it is and you don’t have to be stressed at all.  Oh, I presume that the only stress is, you will be bored for doing nothing.  Well, that is not always be my case.  I used to work behind the scene whether small or great, voluntarily or obligatory.  There were times that I enjoyed things like that but there were times, I’m not.

If I remember it right, it was in 2009 in Boracay when my mentor told me that she want me to undergo leadership training under her.  I was stunned because I’m still working in the island and how could it be?  I only went home twice a month and don’t have enough time to stay in Kalibo.  It’s impossible at first so I asked her, “why me?” but she didn’t give me precise answer.  What an honor to hear it but I know in my heart, it is a big responsibility.  I just kept in my heart the conversation we have while having lunch in the island.      

April of 2010, I went back to Kalibo for greener pasture.  I started working on things need to be done and for me, it was also the so called “on-the-job leadership training”, I think, started.  I thought, she was just teaching me how things going on, things need to be done and so on since I was the senior among the colleagues.  It never entered my mind that she was already equipping me how to behave like one.  I was on her side while directing productions and presentations, not to mention being scolded sometimes because I’m playing around.  You will be stressed out if you don’t know how to work with her.  She was kind of perfectionist.  She wants things to be in order from the smallest to the greatest, from the details of the preparation, during the event and even after it.  Kind of organize.  You should be quick to listen when she instruct you because if not, you will be missed up.  There were times that her mind was occupied of so many things that I have to figure her out what she wants so I have to pray hard.  She even gave instructions and directions in unexpected moment.  As what she always told me, in everything you do, pray; always ask the wisdom and guidance of the Lord; learn to know what God wants and so on.  I learned the hard way too until I fully embraced her personality and got to know her inside.  It was then that I worked with her comfortably whether she is in good mood or bad mood.   

2014 was kind of tough for me.  I enjoyed being so called on-the-job training but things happened so suddenly.  I was appointed in the position where I have no choice, no, I have a choice not to accept it but whether I’m going to accept it or not, I’m still accountable.  What will be my choice?  I’m between two lovers.  If I’m not going to accept it, I will displease God, perhaps, but if I’m going to accept it, there is no turning back and it’s against all odds. 

At first, it’s kind of hard for me because I’m not used of it.  I’m not used to lead, to decide for people under me and to address problem that is not my problem.  I don’t want it in the first place but I have to do it since I was given this responsibility.  I was like “hinog sa pilit” to lead to be candid.  I wasn’t prepared emotionally.  I went through heartaches, lapses, frustrations, humiliation, mis-understanding and mis-interpretation, to name it among others.  I accepted suggestions, corrections and criticism in order to build me inside.  I tried to calibrate myself, behave as much as I can and shed more tears and prayers in order to have courage to go on and be a better person.  Holding in the promises of God was my weapon to continue the battle of the mind, heart and spirit to go on.   

 

During difficult times, I grumbled before God because I don’t deserve what I went through.  I didn’t ask this position yet I’m suffering emotionally that tortured me inside.  I tend to give up, I swear but everytime I do that, my heart is grieving seeing little ones left behind.  I don’t want to leave them without fulfilling my purpose why I was assigned to them.  I want them to be established first and when they can stand, that’s the time I’ll leave.  Immature decision, right?  But that’s how I decided then and I’m consistent to do it.  While walking down the hallway, I was reminded that for once, I said to myself, “If I’ll become a leader, it should not be like this.”  I can’t remember exactly the moment why I said it before but I was speechless, then I asked, “Did I really say it, Lord?”  I heard no reply but I saw the circumstances that probably made me said it.  Maybe it was unintentional or just slip of the tongue or out of anger or something happened that I muttered those words but I can’t believe that God grant it though maybe I don’t mean it, perhaps, I’m not sure.  I realized that what I went through was just the fulfilment of what probably I uttered to myself back then. 

When my mentor taught the ladies about Parenting, I was complaining inside because I’m single anyway, what am I doing here with them?  Still, I choose to sit with them and listened.  She was teaching about the four (4) styles of parenting:  Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved.  Sounds interesting, yes, it was.  I gained knowledge and understanding from it and personalize it.  It gave me a better understanding that though I’m not a parent, I can apply the principles as a leader because for me, being a leader is like being a parent too.  I started equipping myself through reading, listening and experimenting while trying to do things right by God’s grace.  I started mobilizing my colleagues as planned so that when the right time comes, they were already equipped.  I opened up myself to them.  They saw my strictness, my tears and my eagerness to teach them though sometimes, it was painful because I want to see things in perfection.  I hang-out and rewarded them for their good performances.  I imparted to them insights and lessons that they can apply in their life.  I’m grateful that my colleagues did their part because I saw changes, development and maturity in their life.  What I’m seeing to them now is the fulfilment of my desire back then and may be the reason why I uttered those words which I believe God granted. 

I may not be heading for now the path my mentor want me to walk in but I realize that the three years being with her in any occasion was the process.  The path was unclear at first but as I begin to walk in it, things became visible.  I walked on that path for about four years where I pound and break the hard work and pierced through it.  My purpose is now served and I’m happy about it.  I’ve now the assurance that in heading the path which I used and loved, my colleagues can stand and do better than me.    

In every path that we are walking through, don’t forget to walk with God with joy and gladness in our heart.  Learn to love God above all, for He will lift us up when we fall, carry us when we’re tired, comfort us when we’re frustrated and love us always no matter what happened.