"It Has To Be Broken"

Upper Room Worship

April 13, 2018

            I tend not to go because I’ve things to do but when I saw the live streaming of the worship, my heart was glad and I felt the urgency to go there.  At first, my heart is not right but I asked God’s mercy and grace to cleanse me before entering the upper room.  I don’t want to be there with the wrong motive.  I have to guard my heart.  I kept saying to myself that I’m going there to worship God.  No other agenda.  Only Him to be exact.  Forgive me Lord for I have sin. 

            What a joy to be in God’s presence.  The experience is different this time.  I felt something strange when I entered the Upper Room.  Something that I can’t understand.  I can’t easily go with the flow of the worship songs.  I don’t know why.  The songs were new to me but it's not even  an excuse not to sing because the lyrics were provided.  No, I can’t sing continuously because I felt the need of interceding.  I don’t know why and what’s going on but the songs were so deep and kind of dragging.  I felt the urgency of interceding, so I did.  I just speak in tongues the whole time.  I tried to sing but I ended up interceding again.  Can’t explain the feeling but the intercession was kind of intense.  While listening to people praying, praising and worshipping God in songs, in tongues and in understanding, the atmosphere was like the days of Moses in the wilderness.  Its sounds irritated my ears that I have to cover it just to hear the balance of everything.  Then I heard, “I’m looking to their hearts to worship Me.  It has to be broken.  It has to be broken.”  I asked, "to be broken the what?" but no answer, so I intercede again.  A thought came to my mind about the upcoming event of the church to be liken so I prayed that the heavy spirit I felt will not prosper in that event.

            During the climax of the worship, I just sat down and intercede so fast that I can’t understand the manner.  The urgency of interceding was so mean that I have to close my eyes and speak in tongues as fast as I can.  During the highest worship, “Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble.  Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear” I found the silence in my heart.  It was like, I was covered by a crystal ball that I can’t hear anything except this:   “It has to be broken, it has to be broken.”  I was wondering what is to be broken and to whom the message to be given.  When I opened my eyes, I was led to the singers.  Oh no, I said.  I didn’t know them personally.  They were from other church and I don’t want to say anything but I prayed for them because even I, I can’t understand the phrase “it has to be broken”.  If the words were repeated twice, there is a need to deliver the message.  In my hesitation, I decided to speak to them after worship to avoid awkwardness and mis-interpretation, you know.  Hope, they will receive the  message with open heart.

            Guess what?  After the worship, the song leader encouraged everyone to speak if there is any message or something to say.  There was silence for seconds to the invitation so he repeated it again.  I tried to raise my hand but to no avail.  When Beulah and Grace saw me, they urged me to stand up but I choose not.  There was an invitation again and this time, I stood up and delivered the message.  I’m kind of hesitant actually because I don’t know them personally nor met them and here I am, I gave the message that even I can’t understand what it means.  One of the members of POPF named Sis Ruth also shared that she just saw and felt the presence of Jesus Christ beside the song leader.  She want me to confirm if he is the one I'm talking about but I don’t want to confirm.  I’m afraid to pinpoint anybody.  I want them to confirm if the message was really for them.  Pastor Nazareth of the same church also shared that he saw the Holy Spirit making rounds in the middle of the room with different colors while we were worshipping.  

            I approached one of the singers and asked if I can give her a hug and I was shocked because I thought, it’s just a simple hug but no, she embraced me tight and whispered, “it’s seems like the message is for me” and she told me the reason behind.  Thank you Lord, you never fail me.  I wasn’t able to reach out the song leader and the other singer because I was talking to this lady, named Faith.  I was glad because there is a confirmation but on the other hand, I’m still wondering the deep meaning of “it has to be broken”.  

            In my searching, I watched the uploaded video of the worship over and over again because I want to know if the atmosphere is the same over the computer and the night I was there.  I even downloaded the songs in my phone and printed lyrics for me to understand the message given.  I know in my heart that there is something in that message and why it was given. 

            As I went through the video, I just noticed the sound of shofar in the beginning.  There was no presence of shofar on that night, so how could it be?  I don’t know.  Maybe it was just the sound of guitar or other instruments but no, I heard it also during the Ladies Retreat Saturday Vigil too and for me, that was the sound of atonement.  If I’m going to study the lyrics of the songs sang in the upper room that night, it’s more on asking God for the restoration of soul and the declaration of what God can do over the situation.  I know that God answered the cry of their hearts.  God knows what is in our hearts and whatever it is, it has to be broken in order for God to intervene.

            In discovering the true meaning of that message, I encountered series of answers and even underwent the reality of "it has to be broken" for me to understand what it means.  I found myself learning the teaching of that message.  To be broken means, to be changed.  We need to change ourselves.  Whatever is inside of us, it has to be broken, it has to be changed for us to see the real God because change comes from within.  Nobody can do that for us, it is only us can do that.  We can never see God, of who He is if we are not broken.