Jeremiah 29 : 11 - 13

     “For I know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.  As I call upon You, come and pray to You, I know that You will listen to me.  I will seek You and find You when I seek You with all my heart.”

This is my personal prayer way back in 2008 if I’m not mistaken.  I started personalizing scriptural prayer when I attended Ladies Retreat in New Washington.  It became part of my daily devotion along with my daily readings.  As I continually doing it, it became familiar and inspiration to me knowing that God’s promises will always be true as what He said in Isaiah 55:11, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth; It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

2016 was the year of transition for me because things happened so sudden.  It was really tough because it really stretched me out and tested my faith.  I was so mentally and emotionally torture to be candid.  The feeling that I have to choose between family or ministry, denying myself or pursuing my will, to be a good person or not.

I believe that before things have happened, God has already given me the blue print.  The thing is, I wasn’t able to read it properly because I was emotionally and mentally occupied.  I neglected what I saw because I thought, it was just situational but if only I take heed, it would have been prevented.  I was kind of stubborn at that time, that’s why God allowed things to happen as a wakeup call.

When my sister and kids stayed in the house for about 4 months due to marital and health problem, our normal life had transition.  We lived in anxiety, chaos and life and death situation.  I mean, we’ve days and nights upside down.  I have to watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin.  I asked God to spare me and my family from all harm, to give me the wisdom and guidance how to handle the situation because I’m really uncomfortable.  I’ve to adjust 360˚.   I’ve to take care of things that is not my own.  We’re financially and faith crisis.   In everything that were going on, I’ve to be silent and still but everytime I did it, my anguish increased.  It grew hot within me that sometimes, the fire burned and I lost my temper.  There were times that I can’t handle my emotion so I spoke up and exploded.

When I was physically and mentally down, I don’t want to talk or think of anything.  I was about to give up.  I’m tired. I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally.  I wanted peace.  Though I heard words of encouragement, it seems like not enough.  I have to convince myself that those were true.  I have to believe that I am not alone, that someone out there sees me inside, to comfort me when I needed the most but I found none.  Maybe some did not show it physically but I know they did care and lifted me up in their prayer.

Kind of heavy to bear that everyday, I need to be strong in behalf of the family.  I need to be strong in order not to give up on the circumstances.  I need to be strong because they were looking up unto me. I showed them that I’m still fine though I was not.   Have to confess God’s word to be motivated not to go weary.   I have to fight the battle but sometimes, I get tired also.  I always told myself to count with all joy the various trials I encountered with.

I can’t recall when this happened but it really made me secure that I’m not alone in this battle of life.  I suddenly woke up at around 2 o’clock in the morning and heard these words, “for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   I heard it clearly and it really touched me inside.  I mean, yes, it’s my prayer but the impact of that moment was different.  God dealt the issues of my heart with those words.  I was comforted immediately and thanked God.  It seems like, I woke up from the stupor of wine and rebuked satan and his works because I don’t deserve the suffering I went through. 

I believe that through prayer and standing in the promises of God, things were put into place.  He did things beautiful in His time.  First week of December, the marital problem of my sister has been settled and her family reunited once again.  God also honored the desire of a child that one day, her family will have a happy ending.