"Why me, Lord? Why not this person?" One of the questions I asked God everytime He want me to do something beyond my limitations. I mean, I'm not that intellectual like others. I'm not that bright. So why me? The capacity to do is there but can I really do that? Yes I can, by the grace of God.
I remember when God "suggested" something to me when I was then in the island. I thought, it will end there but no, that moment was the beginning. It's not an easy task and it's beyond my limitations. When he said, "why not do that for the church?" I conformed one way or the other but not that serious.
Months passed by, I went home. I never thought that a "suggestion" will become a "command" that really broke my heart. The responsibility is kind of heavy. If only there is time to backout, I would do so but in the first place, I already conformed so why change now? Maybe because I'm scared to take the risk and responsibility. It took me months to finally accept and embrace the work. I'm not serious when I made my conformity but God did. I tried to lift up my defense mechanism before Him but proved futile. God will never change His mind. What He says, it will not return to Him void. That's Him. I know that my ability and my capacity matters to Him but it is my obedience and willingness of heart that matters the most. Yes, kind of struggling inside me but in the midst of uncertainty feelings, lot of questions and even came to a point degrading myself why I can't do such, He comforted me.
Along the way, it is the grace and favor of God at work in my behalf. With the help of the right people, things have been put into place. Despite the fact of bloody procedures, hard times and emotional stress, God never forsake me. His words of encouragements and songs built me up to continue the work.
When I see the accomplishments step by step, the importance and purpose of what I'm doing, there is joy in my heart because I know that the work is not just for me but also for the generation to come.
I'm in the fourth year already, in the second phase of the work and I'm hoping that by next year, I can be able to start working with the main course, of the legacy that I'm about to leave for them.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
I remember when God "suggested" something to me when I was then in the island. I thought, it will end there but no, that moment was the beginning. It's not an easy task and it's beyond my limitations. When he said, "why not do that for the church?" I conformed one way or the other but not that serious.
Months passed by, I went home. I never thought that a "suggestion" will become a "command" that really broke my heart. The responsibility is kind of heavy. If only there is time to backout, I would do so but in the first place, I already conformed so why change now? Maybe because I'm scared to take the risk and responsibility. It took me months to finally accept and embrace the work. I'm not serious when I made my conformity but God did. I tried to lift up my defense mechanism before Him but proved futile. God will never change His mind. What He says, it will not return to Him void. That's Him. I know that my ability and my capacity matters to Him but it is my obedience and willingness of heart that matters the most. Yes, kind of struggling inside me but in the midst of uncertainty feelings, lot of questions and even came to a point degrading myself why I can't do such, He comforted me.
Along the way, it is the grace and favor of God at work in my behalf. With the help of the right people, things have been put into place. Despite the fact of bloody procedures, hard times and emotional stress, God never forsake me. His words of encouragements and songs built me up to continue the work.
When I see the accomplishments step by step, the importance and purpose of what I'm doing, there is joy in my heart because I know that the work is not just for me but also for the generation to come.
I'm in the fourth year already, in the second phase of the work and I'm hoping that by next year, I can be able to start working with the main course, of the legacy that I'm about to leave for them.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
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