Not my will, Lord

TIMOTHIANS
“The Magazine of the New Breed”
Published by Holy Society of St. Timothy
The Cathedral Church of Saint Michael
April 2004 Issue

NOT MY WILL, LORD

     In our society today, most of the young people thought that if they have no boyfriend/girlfriend, they are not IN.  It is a surprise for them if you said you don't have.  Teasing begins to create self-pity and pressures on one's mind.  Anyone become curious on how to have one and to know how it feels.  Others are getting envious looking at the sweet couple holding their hands while walking and almost everyone wishes that their desires would be granted too.

     If I look back at myself before, one of my teenage desires was to have boyfriend at the age of 18 but I don't know why God never granted it.  When I entered college, I met different kinds of suitors.  Every night, my prayer for them was this: "Lord, if he is not the one for me, let it be.  Don't allow him to speak what he felt for me nor show it to me and stop him courting".  God answered my prayer and no one of them continues courting.

     My desire to have boyfriend is still there but how can I, if it is God's will?  If I'm going to pursue my own will then, what can I get?  If I only based my standard on having boyfriend in worldly principles, maybe I have boyfriend in my desire age but I did not.  If I did not follow the church standard in choosing partner in life, maybe, in one year I have two boyfriends.  But no!  I give up my self-will even though I'll be frustrated.  I felt so depressed when my desire never granted.  I never insisted my will to God anymore because it is hard to fight against the will of God.

     We need to understand that God's will is best for us eventhough it contradicts to our own good will.  It doesn't matter if we are in or out on society's eyes, having boyfriend/girlfriend or not.  What matters most is - we obey God.  If God said, the person you like is not the one for you, so be it.  Present first your decision to God before taking any action.  Don't go if you are not sure.  Wait on God's signal.

     I thanked God and I never regretted of giving up my own will while I'm still in college because I have realized that I am not ready to commit at that time.  And even now, I'm not prepared to enter into a relationship.  My prayer today now is: "Lord, if it is your will, let it be and prepare us spirit, soul and body, but if not, depart us in peace, change our heart and may we are still friends.  Amen."