Marry Well



One of the things I really missed when I was in the island is Wednesday Fellowship. This midweek service really helps most especially if you are kind of loaded in your weekdays of work. I've no other activities in the island and it makes me to be wild inside. If only there is other outlet than the beach. If there was a chance to be home by midweek, I make sure that I can attend the service but now that I'm home after the mission, there is joy in my heart that finally, I'm home.

June 16, 2010 when Bishop Dick started the series of Making A Life Worth with its foundation verse in the Book of Proverbs 13:14, this series topic is very interesting and it lasted on November 3, 2010. One of the Sub Topics I really like was Marry Well and the principle given is "Be careful, not careless when it comes to marriage". Wow! I'm not in a relationship but this topic prepares me. Hehehe. This topic is in preparation for those who are in a relationship and getting married.

Nowadays, society preferred marriage as an answer when the woman get pregnancy, to escape from the responsibility at home and because they were in love? For some who did well to their marriage life, congratulations! but for some who ended it up badly, hmmm, maybe there are some things or issues in your relationship that you need to address before marriage. Sometimes, couples approach marriage with fear. What if? is the very common question. Marriage is a gift from God and He design it that nobody can change so we should not approach marriage with fear.

Bishop Dick shared to us 7 Pitfalls To Avoid Quarrel, Unnecessary Relationship. These pitfalls were taken from the book entitled Find The Love Of Your Life. Sorry, I forgot to get the author's name but these pitfalls were proven true based on his study. When he gave us the 7 pitfalls, I was surprised because I did some of them before I heard this teaching. I never knew then that what I did was right. I thanked God for this because I'm in the right path. Whew!

The 7 Pitfalls:

1) IMPATIENT - Don't rush, go slow

I really having fun when I heard this. Hehehe. I asked myself then, "paalin Bishop do mga eaon ngaron, go slow pa gapon sanda don?" (what about the old-made, still go slow Bishop?) Sister Nemia laughed when she heard me having said that. She thought, I was joking but I'm not. After the service I asked her to ask Bishop about it, she knew then that I'm serious. Hehehe.

Bishop said that don't rush in marriage. He added that long courtship produce setting marriage and short courtship produce heart breaking relationship. Long courtship also will give time the family to observe the relationship. I agree with him because this is true in my family.

2) IMMATURITY - Don't be immature, grow up first

This is very common, right? I usually heard this or even having said it when uncomfortable situation arouse. I mean, immaturity doesn't depend on the age of a person. I believe, it is a choice. You are the only one responsible of your decision and not other people.

3) FAIRY TALE - Being in love with love


Hmmm..... I think, this is very usual for some. Hehehe... For example: "I want my boyfriend to be liked Brad Pitt or my girlfriend's body like Beyonce" and others. I mean, each and everyone of us is unique. What you see in front of you is real. Relationship is not a fairy tale that everything is fine. Bishop reminded us that when we go to marriage relationship, we are to be sober because we are going to face challenges.

4.) PER PRESSURE - Don't rush into marriage because you want to fulfill others expectation

This is very rampant in our society today. I experienced criticism from my friends and other people why I don't have boyfriend. They kept on pressuring me to have one but who cares?! I don't want to enter into a relationship because of pressure. What can you get out of it? Headache!!! So what, if you are in the last trip?! It's good to be sure, right? Who you will blame if it doesn't work? Only you, you and you is to blame. In other words, "tanga ka!" if you will do what they said. Now, I understand why "go slow" is in the first rank. hahaha. .

5.) BLINDLY ATTITUDE - Jumping in blindly


"Love is blind" and "love at first sight" they said but do you believe that marriage is an eye opener? Maybe married couple can answer this exactly. Hehehe. Maybe for some, for those who get married unprepared or harassed marriage.

In this pitfall, it simply means that we are to spend time to know each other. In this generation, social networking site is very rampant. For those who had good marriage because of it, good to hear that but for those who ended up heartache, sorry. You can't establish relationship in these networking sites. I mean, chatting and phone calls? Maybe for those who really exhort efforts to be with them personally but only in the computer alone, I guess not. I experienced it. Yes, the concern is there, you will read and hear good messages but did you feel it? Anybody can lie and if you are not aware of it, you only deceive yourself.

6.) ASSUMING - Making assumption in your marriage life

Is it hurt to assume that he/she love you and all of the sudden you will know that it is not? Prior to the wedding day, is there any doubt to continue or you will backout? What you really want? Find it out before marriage if you wont change your mind and not after the marriage.

7.) IGNORANCE - Ignoring character issues

How many of us really address the issues in our life? Do we ignore it to cover up things? For what reason? Why not talk what is really the problem? Marriage will not cure it. Do you think you can overcome it in your marriage life if you will not address it while you are still free?

Sigh! So, we had already the pitfalls, what are we going to do now? What are the things we should focus on to have a successful marriage life?

Bishop Dick shared to us that relationship place on similarities or compatibilities. He gave 4 principles, the important similarities we should focus on:

1.) GOD FACTOR

Proverbs 19:23; 2 Corinthians 6:14

*Do not marry someone who cannot identify your personality
*Know what is the standard of your partner in life
This is very true. Most of us basically look on the outward appearance and we forgot sometimes to look what's inside - the personality. In my experience, this is very basic. Those men who were courting me did not push through because of my so called "high standard". What high standard? I asked them but they can't give me an answer. I don't have that. All I want is someone who can identify my personality. It's kind of hard to be with someone who doesn't know you inside.

2.) CHARACTER BUILDING

Proverbs 11:3

*Build a character together
*God heals our character
Building up character is not an easy task or thing to do most especially if you don't want to change. It should comes from within. You don't change because of other people or to please them but it is a choice for your own benefit. Know what are the things or character of your partner and build it up together. I did this everytime I am in the new field. Familiarization is the first thing I did. If I'm familiar with their character, it's easy for me to deal with it. My island experience can prove that.


3.) EMOTION HEALTH

*Find out how your partner deal with the issues of life
Issues, issues, issues in life. Not all of us are ready to accept correction or mistake. We sometimes have that attitude of pointing fingers to others. Well, if you are not aware of the issues in your life, you can't say anything to somebody's life. If you do that, you deceive yourself. God allow situation sometimes that will enlighten us how to deal with it with confidence. If you yourself cannot overcome that, how could you be an instrument to others? or else, both of you can learn with it.
Again, go back to 1 and 2, it's easy for you to do it, right?

4.) COMMUNICATION

*Successful marriage are made up for those who can talk about it anywhere
*Tackle problems before going to marriage
This is very important also in a relationship but sometimes, we tend to abuse this. I remembered my military friend who told me that his girlfriend is angry again because he didn't reply to her text that quick. When I asked why, he said that he's sleeping because of his night shift duty but his girlfriend nagged him. He then told his girlfriend to look for another boyfriend that always replying her that quick. hahaha. He only said that because his girlfriend is nagging him... We are to be careful on this. Communication is good but we should not abuse it. Make considerations also. If you know that it's his time to sleep from heavy duty, don't expect him to answer you right away. If both of you are working in different times (local or abroad) set for a convenient time. Don't call in the middle of the night or early morning unless it is very urgent.

It's good to tackle problems before marriage so that you will not end up to legal separation or annulment. Sometimes, we just pass it by and all of the sudden, we will like be a volcano. If the issue is done, let it go. Always be open in communication wherever you are.

Wow! I'm so amazed! What a preparation for me. I will not wonder anymore why marriage life goes wrong for some because I know now the pitfalls that will cause unsuccessful marriage life.

Attending Wednesday Fellowship is really building up wisdom in life. The ball is already in our hands. It's up to us to use it.

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